As I received it in the mail this morning:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but
the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I
want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the
sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on
friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each
taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should
be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate
2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move
all three of them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and Rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our
way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness,
and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer
be paying the bill.
15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius you can find.
16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".
20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other
like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer
which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, George Clooney and Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.
**If you can't stand behind our Military, please feel free to stand in front of them! **
I think they've named a lot of things in a lot of people's heads. People who don't really have the time or inclination to engage the public via the Chatting Classes.
I have found comfort in my adopted ridiculously expensive neighborhood of Redondo Beach and now I have some feeling about propriety - some sense of not giving up an inch to the Element. It's partial. But if it were my town, where all my property was, I would defend it to an extreme degree.
If there were some way to get all the property owners in unison on those matters of keeping the proper laws in place, I think there would be no secession. But I think many have turned against the ownership society. And so we will be under a state of siege for some time. But there is everything in owning your own castle and running it properly.
My point is that secession of the mind in society is not complete, and I believe that people with a sense of propriety will simply bar the doors, not move. We will not flee to Red States. We simply will not flee. We can stand our ground wherever we are. At some point, the secession of the mind will be complete, and people once again will have creeds that matter.
So provisionally, this is the new creed of Cobb the Downsider:
Sense Amid Madness. Wit Amidst Folly.