I'm setting you up to get the guts of what has focused my mind this week on things black and my recent experience with the Kwaku Network, the Negrophile and upcoming family reunions. Next will be the story of Monroe, but before I get into that I need to talk about black frats.
Here follows the somewhat stereotyped cosmology of the black greek fraternity system for those of you who missed the cluetrain in college. It should also be fun for those of you who know. You should know that I am a first-class very typical Alpha and this is all coming from my POV.
Alpha Phi Alpha (Black & Old Gold)
This is the fraternity of WEB DuBois, which in some sense is all you really need to know. Alphas are highly ambitious, upper crusty, imperious, snobby and otherwise 'too cold'. They get away with it because more often than not they are brainy and refined. Alphas strive for absolute perfection and so have a reputation for being closet freaks if not straight out queer. Alphas go for noblesse oblige most of the time because they really do believe that they are better than you. When your girl gets tired of your bullshit, she will seek out an Alpha man. You can always tell an Alpha man, but you can't tell him much.
Kappa Alpha Psi (Crimson & Creme)
Deion Sanders would be the perfect Kappa. Kappas are all business and all self. They are flashy and flamboyant and project an image of 'so fresh so clean'. A Kappa has a million dollar smile and so he insures it. Kappas are generally the least concerned with how they rank with other frats. They're just waiting for you to turn your back on your girl, sometimes they don't wait. A Kappa always has to be right and will not let you forget it. The best thing about a Kappa is that if you need some studly looking guys to stand up at your wedding, they will make your pictures look swell. On the other hand, he's probably taller than you. Kappas are all military swagger.
Omega Psi Phi (Purple and Gold)
Omegas are also known as Que Dogs. Ques are loud, proud and idefagetable. Think Eddie Griffin. You have to admire how comfortable they are in their skin. Ques are unpretentious and down to earth. When they express their pride it rather shows they have no couth or fashion sense but their energy and loyalty are awe inspiring. Of all the frats, Ques take their brotherhood most seriously, thus the brands and tats. A Que by himself is nobody, but a pack of Ques are formidable, and actually rather scary. If a Que gets your girl, forget it, she's ruined. Despite the fact that Ques are mostly ugly and fearsome, they have hearts of gold. A Que has got your back for life. I suppose that's why they call them dogs.
Phi Beta Sigma (Pale Blue & White)
Sigmas are the stepchild frat, that is because they are hardheaded pragmatists and don't believe in all those symbols. As a frat they are therefore humble, humanistic and generally fairly selfless. For some reason this makes them the frat most likely to actually do those community service things frats always say they do. Ironically, the service they seem to be best at is throwing parties. Then suddenly you will find the Sigma talent for organization and money grubbing, er financial acumen. Sigmas function best in the real world. If a Sigma gets your girl, you'll never know it.
If, for some reason you are a midwestern farm boy and none of this clicks, think of the Archies. Archie is the Alpha, Reggie is the Kappa and Jughead is the Que. There is no Sigma. They just showed up.
Alphas and Kappas get away with it. Ques and Sigmas don't. Sigmas are subversive and crafty back room gamblers. Ques have animal magnetism and travel in packs. Kappas are sheer blunt force trauma and are insufferable in large numbers. Alphas are calculating, manipulative and given to fantastic schemes for world domination.
From the Matrix:
Morpheus is an Alpha. Neo is a Kappa. Cypher is a Sigma. Tank and Dozer are Ques.
From Star Trek:
The Klingons are Ques, Kirk, Picard and Sisko are Kappas, Ferengi are Sigmas. There is only one Alpha in the Star Trek galaxy and he is Q.
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