From the Literary Thug
My grandfather showed me, and is still showing me how to be a good man. My grandfather, like Smith’s portrayal of businessman Chris Gardner, is all about nuance: doing and not saying, exposition through action, and taking care of what needs to be taken care without pretense or bombast. Good brothers know how to navigate a situation without telling or signifying on someone about how good or how bad they got it.This lack of surface emotion can be seen as being hard, but in reality it is a form of poetic emotional understatement, a realization that there is dignity in carrying the weight of being a responsible black man without dumping it on someone else's shoulders.
This is absolutely right.
I have come to recognize without a doubt that one of the gifts of manhood is a silent one. It is the ability to do right without saying how right you are. It is in that silence that is born a kind of mystic fraternity and it is that mystery that perplexes and confounds everyone who is not so sure. There is some truth to that archetype of the 'strong & silent'.
Someone mentioned about the speech of George HW Bush, as exemplifying his style of leadership that he never started a spoken sentence with "I". You can imagine a parody of him at the press room saying 'Not gonna answer that question'.
What men must do is to commit to the affirmation of action. To do when doing needs to be done, to make an act of sacrifice when none was demanded, to be the hero when there is no call for heroism. These are manly deeds. They are silent acts that come from silence and are performed in silence, and even acknowledged in silence when accolades are given. Such things are counted towards the humility of a man, and humility is a requirement for achievement. It is only through humility that any man can see what is possible. A man becomes blinded by ambition because to pursue an ambition requires a fixing of the mind, and an application of discipline. But ambition can attach itself to anything, and without humility that ambition attaches to arrogance. The result is reckless, and the more powerful the man, the more pain he causes.
It is a lesson that must be repeated and it is something wise men must allow everyone to learn. It is a longstanding trope in our literature. Last night, Jet Li's 'Fearless' was exactly that story - the story of the balance between ambition and humility, between honor and fame.
As a father, I often wonder if my children see me. A couple weeks ago my daughter said that I looked too serious, and that this was unusual. I asked her if she thought of me as a serious man. She did not. At once I'm not sure that I should have asked, and having asked if that was what I wanted to hear. And I thought about this again more recently when I think about the jokes and funny voices I make around the house. I found myself in a serious mood when my daughters were joking and grilled one of them with some questions on science. It reduced her to tears when she couldn't answer but I know I was being overbearing. I later explained to her that I respect her, and because of that I expect her to know, and that anyone who doesn't care if she knows does not respect her. So there are serious questions of matters of honor and bearing in the house. My children should know that I reserve kindness and frivolity for their sake, but I am serious for their sake. That ultimately in life they will have to deal with men such as myself when I am being harsh and judgmental and looking at their work with a critical eye. So long as they know that the love is there, I think they will bear up well under the scrutiny.
As I look back upon my career it has become clear to me that I've not worked for many men as great as my own father. It causes me pain to think how little space he has had in this society to lead in the ways he might have, and so I think of that myself. Where is the balance between ambition and humility> What power do we deserve and what honor is required of great responsibility? Where are such transactions negotiated? Such are the questions near the heart of the state of our society, of the quality of our patriarchy, to the health of our nation. They are both public and private questions and must be directed at our institutions and at our families, for moral leadership in both arise from the same wisdom.
This is the paradox of silence.
In doing what needs to be done, there is a hard face worn. It assumes that all must recognize the necessity. In doing, the effort is not spent on explaining. We do not all have the privilege of children, and we may not recognize the respect paid us in those tests that bring us to tears. But as men we must accept the benefit of our failures as lessons, and in this humility is necessary.
I think of affirmation in the context of brotherhood. It is what restores our faith in each other even as we fail our father's tasks. And so in reflection upon all that has been said, I consider my readers as brothers.
I am surprised once again that Smith's film did not raise so many eyebrows as a meditation on manhood and fatherhood here in the brotherhood of blogdom. Maybe I missed the meme. Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to that which was said. But I thought of that film too as an affirmation, as Ed Brown mentioned. You can never have too much of that.
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