Jiggy writes:
I'm 44 married for 1 1/2 years . My husband won't get a job. He fill trapped by a 9 to 5 job so he willing to do hustle jobs instead. But that does not always turn out. He pay only half of the rent only. What should I do? Or how can I make him see pass that?
There are lots of ways to go with this one Jiggy, but my instinct says punt, which is to say one day you have to get up, look in the mirror and admit that this isn't going to work, and start working on a new plan and a new man.
I respect that you expect your husband to work a steady job. If you're going to stay married it is wise to keep your man on that track. You need stability, he needs stability. When you're both stable, the marriage has that big advantage. But if he wants to take risks, and you are not ready for those kinds of risks, then you're in your rights to say that it won't work for you. Tell him straight out that you need a boring 9 to 5 kind of man, and you would make it worth that kind of man's while, because I know you will. But if he can't play that role for your love and your hand in marriage, then he doesn't deserve it. He needs the kind of woman who is willing to ride the financial roller-coaster.
There's nothing wrong with the hustle if you're ready to be a hustler's wife, but if that's not the kind of drama you can handle, it's time to set your sights elsewhere. He can handle the risk.
On the man side of things. Well. It's got to be my house. I pay the rent in my house and I make the rules. When the wife brings in money, then it's all gravy. That goes for the nice curtains and paintings on the walls, copper bottom pots, scented candles and extra fluffy bedspreads. You know, civilized stuff, and sometimes an extra steak when she feels like cooking one up for me. And yes she has her own bank account and yes that's her business. But I handle my bills in my house, that way it's always my house.
There are days when I look at my checkbook and say, damn. If I didn't have all these bills and I didn't have to pay for all these bedrooms, I'd have 600 dollars for this weekend. I could have a lot of fun on 600 dollars. But I know I work for my family, not for me. That's what being married means. Ball and chain and the whole nine yards, and I take 95% of my pride out of that because that's where I want to be. When I wasn't married, I took my pride in making other kinds of things work, but that was then.
When I'm the man, the first thing I have to decide is if I'm going to have a small house, medium house or big house. But whatever size, it's my house. So sometimes when the hustle ain't working you just can't live large. You've got to have some things in the bank, and running the big house with marriage and kids, that takes a whole lot of energy. And if you're not ready to put out for all that... well, you got to live like a mouse for a while. And guess what, the chances of coming back to all that are slim, like going back to school. You may as well treat it like a one way decision.
I hope all that helps Jiggy. Best of luck.
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