The Pitcher House

The Pitcher House

Category: Night Life

The Pitcher House is probably one of the best dive bars that's neither completely a dive, nor completely what one considers a normal habitable night spot. Which basically means if you go there once a week or more there's something wrong with you, but if you go once a month, it's cool. The one exception to the greater than once a week is if you're a pool shark, in which case there's a 30% chance that you're a very cool person. On the other hand, if you're sharking at the Pitcher House, how good can you actually be?

The Pitcher House is nice and spacious and it's a great place to go if you like to roll a pack of Marlboros or Camels in your t-shirt sleeve or show how cool you look in cowboy boots. That goes double if you're a chick. There's lots of basic beer and basic drinks, but I've never bothered with mixed drinks at the Pitcher House. It's all about the pitcher, duh. Well, and the tequila and the Jagermeister. Still, it's not an excellent place to get sodding drunk because it's too well lit. You can't hide your drunkeness and somebody is going to call you on it. In other words the assholes are in plain sight at the PH, and like the other guy said, that makes for fightin'.

It usually starts over a pool game. Somebody skips line or hogs a table or some such. It's usually not over a babe, which should also tell you something - not that the Pitcher House is gay or anything, but that it's a better choice for B movie chicks than those on the Jessica Biel, Halle Berry scale. Me, I don't go for the extra stringy or extra poofy haired white chicks, but there are occasions when one or two of them look good in a ball cap and a Bebe shirt. But unfortunately when I last went there, a lot of them looked like their t-shirts were too short and their panties were showing out of their jeans entirely by accident if you know what I mean. Think 3/4s as good looking as the Dixie Chicks on a bad hair day. Which also should alert high class chicks as to the instant action you're going to get if you dare to brave the Pitcher House.

I've sworn off joints like this for good reason, and that good reason has to do with the fact that my beer goggles don't fit any longer. Plus, whipping somebody's ass in foosball really doesn't thrill me half as much as it used to. I still enjoy a good game of pool, even on the club sized tables, but...

The great thing about the Pitcher House is it's exactly what you would expect to find in Bakersfield, but not in the South Bay, so it's an in-place social experiment in yuppie-redneck cross fertilization with a couple hiphoppers and cholos thrown in for good measure on any given weekend. It can be a very chill experience or it can get explosive. You never know. But seriously, it ain't enlightenment. It's a mix of biker bar, crawl pub, noize joint, game room and boozer den. It has the most astounding collection of crap on the walls and ceilings that you'll ever find. The sawdust on the floor is high quality and the entire place doesn't particularly smell bad. If you're not looking for a fight, you can avoid one, if you're looking for a fight you can find one. My best advice is to bring at least two friends because if you're hot enough to go solo then you'll probably catch more than you're looking for.

It's a really excellent place to go when you're drunk enough not to really care what happens next. If that's you then the House is your element. Wobble on in and bring a buddy to wobble you out, or a stranger. Your pick.