When I was a kid, I always wished that I could live in Florida or Georgia so that I could have the day off of school for my birthday which is June Third, aka Jefferson Davis Day. Jefferson Davis was the president of the Confederate States of America. My parents thought I was crazy. I don't think that either Florida or Georgia have that as a state holiday any longer, and thanks to socialist reforms of capitalism, I have floating holidays in my employment arrangements. So I get the day off no matter what. Is it more important that I have the day off or that I owe it to some historical movement? Hell, I don't care. It's my birthday. Now you can think I'm crazy.
Whenever people start getting the squirts over neo-confederates and battle flags and all that, I immediately think of two things. Maybe three.
Item One: Buy a Gun and STFU
The first is an old screed called 'The Racist Roots of Gun Control'. Your basic deal is this. What are Confederates going to do besides make a big fat hairy deal over something that happened 150 years ago. They are, in many ways, exactly like Afrocentrics - trying to pull glory from the grave. The question is whether or not a person feels threatened by history. Bottom line - what are they using their interpretation and celebration of history to assert today, and are you prepared to pick up a gun and defend yourself if it comes to that? It seems to me that people who call themselves Americans should recognize that the chances of gunfights going the way of the Confederates the second time around are very very slim. So just buy a gun and stay out of the media and out of my head, freakin' whiner.
Item Two: Self-Hatred
While I'm at it, I'd like to take a swipe at the zero-tolerance crowd who are bleating about the ignoramus factor in the Tea Party Movement. It's directed specifically at black Americans who whip out the old uncle tom argument at their earliest convenience. You know who you are, oh vaunted guardian of blackness. I ask you where you live. Huh? What? Do you live in Alabama, Mississippi or Georgia? Do you live in Virginia, Kentucky, Texas, Oklahoma or Tennessee? Do you live in the Carolinas, Louisiana or Florida? Answer the question. You mean to tell me that after all these years you live in the Confederate States? And you have the nerve to associate ME with racists? And you call those places your home? Let me ask you this. Right now, are you wearing cotton? Yeah that's what I said, cotton. How can you call yourself black and wear cotton?
This is the game you are playing. If you want to get down to zero-tolerance for racists and their legacies, you're going to have to do a lot of explaining yourself. And don't get me started on racial purity, because a lot of you African Americans don't look so African to me. You've got white blood in you. That's right. I said it. You are just picking on your own cousins.
Just in case you are unclear, my family is three generations out of the plantation South and I can trace some of us back to James Alexander Curtis who fought for the Union Army. And on the New Orleans side of the family, none of us were ever in bondage. Yeah we passed, some of us. But none of that should concern you because that's just racial bloodlines and stuff, and you don't care about that right?
Item Three: Symbols & Substance
A couple of years ago, we conservatives in LA got our panties out of joint over a blatantly PC act by the godless commies of removing the cross from the Seal of the City and County of Los Angeles. But they didn't close one church. Secularists doom themselves when it comes down to it. There's a long and interesting essay in there somewhere, but I don't have time for that now.
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So there's my initial theoretical framework from which I will observe this story which has now entered my periphery. Now let's look at the facts and see what the deal is. Outrage me. I dare you.
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