It turns out that I don't have enough dosh on the credit card at this particular moment to do what it was I wanted for this, my 49th birthday. What I wanted to do was rent a Porsche or Ferrari and take a spritely drive up the California Coast. I had my mixtape all prepared.
But that's OK. I'm in a zone of living which is almost devoid of want. In many ways, I have reached aspects of that plateau I sought long ago when I first studied the Tao. The most important thing to me is that my children attain happiness and success in their lives, and I realize completely that I am not in control of that. I am happy every day to be near them. They are some of the best people I know.
Secondly, it is my desire to fulfill all of the commitments I make on a regular basis in my professional life. I am one of the fortunate people who understands exactly what good and what a difference I make in my work.
Thirdly, and new for me, I am committed to putting my physical health as a premium. My intent is to step outside of the life of the mind and get back into my body. I haven't done this seriously in over 25 years. The last time I did, being me as I run from one extreme to the other, I got to the point where I could play beach volleyball 4 hours straight and cycled 70 miles a week. Half that would be sufficient, except this time I'm going to swim. All I need to know, Jack LaLanne taught me 40 years ago.
Fourthly, I want to thank my friends and readers with whom I have shared my writing and thinking over the past 17 years at The Well, SCAA, Brainstorms, Vision Circle and Cobb. You have been the reason I have been able to sustain my sanity in a career that takes me around the country like George Clooney in 'Up In The Air'. I know virtual links are weak links, but there are a good number of you who have a strong presence in my life. I am virtually always there for you as you have been for me. And this especially applies to those of you I have known since the 70s with whom I have reconnected - if only over the web.
I feel very good at this point in my life. I don't have as much power as I thought I might have if I had done the right things at the right time. I still haven't made the Dosh Point. But I like the kind of popularity and third rate celebrity that I have received and I am thankful to the people that made that happen. I am a much more satisfied and content individual than I thought my personality would allow, and I consider myself fortunate to have had people to both listen to me and to tell me to shut the hell up.
I am most proud of my extended family, who just by being family, have enriched my life and given me the willpower to resist the numerous and sundry venal temptations of American life. Knowing your love for me is always there helps keep me honest.
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This almost sounds like a retirement speech, but it's just another moment to reflect on life and make sure that I don't just cruise through it without stopping to think, and thank. At this moment in my writing life I am dedicated to be more analytical and will try to blend that interest more into my work and avocation. But I'll talk about that later...
Thank you all so much for the birthday love. I am touched. Life is great because all of you are.
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