Well, it's that time of year again. Time to remember the dead. Time to rededicate the living. Time to unroll that long parchment of human suffering and remind ourselves whether or not we have been appropriately serious. The answer is no. That's why the tributes come out, and this is mine.
What strikes me this time is that there are only a relatively few people who matter when it comes to this stuff. And try as we might to capture the proper sentiment and send the proper message, these are efforts that mostly fail. As a writer, I know that it's not good enough to be good enough. There is only one good enough, and that is when somebody tells me that they are feeling the exact same way I feel, but they've never been able to put it into words, and finally my words helped them express that exact same thing.
That happens rarely, and it happens on a one to one basis when it really matters. The rest of the time we are consumers of drama. I hate to say it - hell I hate to admit it. But that's what we Westerners with spare time to analyze and evaluate - that's what we do. I try to put my spare time to observe and report to good use here at Cobb. I try to use my spare brain cycles for the betterment of my fellows out here. But I know that I do a little drama search every once in a while, looking for some pique. It's difficult for me to say how much of that comes naturally since I have lived a long time and seen and heard a lot of stuff. Maybe it's appropriate that most of the news doesn't attract my attention. But on the other hand, maybe sometimes I'm skimming the mundane for some action and heat. Everybody is going to say something about it. I know I have to as well. And will it connect to somebody in an important way? Impossible to say. What's important to say about 9/11 that hasn't already been said? Or are we just all here to remind ourselves, whew, that was really something?
Next year, Doc has plans for us all to go. Whatever I do, I'm going to make sure that I'm on vacation this time next year. Ten years. That'll be something. But I do want to go. I want to be there with the millions. It was one of the most extraordinary days in my life. In the weeks before, we were talking about school shootings and OJ, and wasn't all that stupid and sickeningly vapid? But they were the best tragedies we could muster. Societies need to survive tragedies in order to survive. When we get unravelled about one murder, or ten, something is very un-robust about us. The collapse of the WTC helped remind us how deeply we can suffer and still stand. Anybody that consumes drama, especially the vulgar and petty drama of our pop entertainment culture, needs a kick in the teeth every blue moon. That's what we got, and how. And when we got it, a lot of us were reminded - I know that I was - that war is always with us. War is always with us. And it's just basic and human to remind yourself through pilgrimage, who your neighbors really are.
For me it was Bill Whittle who's essay called Tribes made me know my place in a nation that fractured about the significance and usefullness of the American Payback. We all learned pretty well that some Americans were kicking themselves in the teeth and said we deserved another one or two. Surely our own anthrax poisoner was one of them. Forgot about him didn't you? Whittle reminded me that some of us don't need to be kicked, just nudged, and then there are those who never have to be reminded - they never forget that war is always with us because they are always fighting the bad guys.
I've set my lot with some of those we now call 'first responders' as part of the Gray Tribe. I could do more. I hope my writing helps - it's what I do with my spare time, maybe keep us mentally alert when we otherwise might be inert. Inside my head, I'm running and charging up into the dangerous parts of arguments and philosophies and ideologies. They're not burning buildings or crossfire zones, but mine is a certain kind of courage, I hope. I know the America I am a part of and I have almost unlimited confidence in it. We're going to need that during hard times.
If we can remember that war and conflict is never ending; if we can recall that courage is always necessary; if we can have the presence of mind to focus on real tragedy instead of trumped up drama, then we might not be so foolish. We might know where we are in this big old globe. We might be living in the moment - ready to live, ready to die. Ready to say the right thing and do the right thing and be the right one...
It's funny that I wasn't thinking about spiritual matters, but a phrase came to mind.."always and everywhere to give thanks to you Almighty God". I heard it in my mother's words when we spoke last week 'this will bring glory to Jesus' she said, whatever hardship that was. This is evidence of a mind in focus, dedicated to the purpose of bringing energy to morality every miserable moment. This is our ultimate calling, to be vessels of the best of human spirit, which is God's spirit, which is the spirit of a proper nation, which is the discipline of a proper society, which is the re-energizing spirit of all that is noble and true. That's what we're trying to be.
And of course it brings us into conflict with ourselves. And we know it.
This tribute is not really a tribute. I'm feeling like Lincoln. There's no way I can dedicate or consecrate. That blood has already been spilled. I'm just recognizing. I'm just looking into myself for a moment because this was real. It stays real. Hopefully it will keep us all real.
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