Under my rock are my worms, damp straw and fungus smells. It's yawning time.
Time to shed a few holiday pounds and look out for rainbows. And once again I'm late. I should know that the day that we put up the tree should be the day before we take the picture and two days before we send it to the shop to be replicated. But we have mailmerge nightmares my wife and I, so you'll be getting our yuletide greetings some time next week via the snails. Barring complications. It's so hard to move things in meatspace.
It has been over a year since I've put off spending the four hundred dollars to replace the window in the back right seat of the Transporter. Damned BWM parts. And it's a sucker's bet to think there will be no more rain and put it off for another quarter, but I'll probably take it. I don't know why I think it something of an honor to have the sloppiest BMW, or why I'm attracted to shabby gentility. Just weird, I guess. If I could have the FJ tomorrow, I'd be happier, but I'm happy enough.
People don't change much. They just go through a lot and you can see which way they're leaning because of it. I'm starting to strech just a bit after having been ducking and flinching for a while. It's a long story that's none of your business, but if the past few weeks are any indication, business for me is headed in a much better direction. And I get to depend on me, and that makes it the better of most worlds. I'll have autonomy and those other things. I have managed to find a way to work in my own home county, which turned out to be more important than I thought and easier than I thought.
I'm changing my focus very quickly and it has worked so well that when I think of Cobb, I can't think of anything to say. Instead, I'm reading and researching and putting my notes together, and very little of them have to do with the Cobbian Categories. No Critical Theory, no Domestic Affairs, no Local Deeds nor even Matters of the Spirit.
I'm running away from famousity of the sort I was heavily invested 3 and 4 years ago. So that means repurposing my website and business card. Soon come. But I still live in a strangling web of memory. I cannot change that I was X in 2000 and Y. Say "WADOT" and the images are still the same. Say "Indique Heights" and the memories remain. I am that I was, although I am different.
If I have learned anything, it is not to attempt to represent a promise or to signify potential, but to only show them what you've done. That means spending all the time doing the work, not knowing you can do the work and pointing a flashlight to lead people to it. Enterprising people will find you. They usually do, sometimes even when you're under a rock.
And so I now also have purpose. And I find that I am working harder and with more satisfaction than I have in a long time. I almost feel an obligation, because my obligation to myself is also my that thing that others have invested in me. In otherwords, I have managed to secure a position in which people are invested in my self-interest. It is different than being a team player, not in opposition, but different.
Feeling a new me which is the potential of the fully funded kid I thought I could never be, and at the end of the tunnel is lots of time, which is already slowing down.
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