Last night I had a stunning dream. I was the Incredible Hulk. More to the point, I was Dr. Bruce Banner and I chose to be the Hulk.
My psychology was that of a werewolf. I was transformed into a creature of the hunt. I became bestial and ran quite powerfully on all fours. One of the most remarkable aspects of this dream was how realistic it felt to me to be using muscles in my back and stomach to spring and release my arms and legs to their positions. The rhythmic flexing was so much more involved than the leg-bound work of human running - it was so much more joyful than the greatest pleasure of running upright. I understood how animals derived pleasure from simply being animated, but most importantly I tasted the bloodlust.
It was in this early part of the dream that I found myself (in my old neighborhood of course) in the business of attacking some other creature with my savage jaws. I was totally captivated and 100% committed to destroying him. It was, in my mind, another wolf and I envied, feared and despised him. As he came at me, I visualized him in slow motion - a pencil drawing flip-book of a cartoon on a white background. I saw him in moderate detail, as that of a cel-shaded animation without the coloring. As he came I looked at his every aspect, but especially his teeth, jaws, throat and genitals. He was reduced to strengths and weaknesses which I evaded and attacked respectively. As the battle sped up into real-time, the colors, sounds, smells, sensations and effects became vivid. In a moment's time I stood over the bloody dismembered carcass of the wolf I destroyed - the wolf that might have been the Alpha Wolf, the wolf that was me - the only wolf that could be. I am the wolf. I am *the* wolf. There is no other, I cannot stand another. And then I ran.
Running I felt my musculature expand and contract. I felt the power and I tasted the blood and I remembered the guts of my foe. And I realized that I was intelligent and human and my gait was not wolf-like but gorilla-like. And so I imagined myself as a gorilla and something similar happened. I saw a gorilla in front of me with extraordinarily powerful arms, chest and back. But he was not facing me and I destroyed him from the blindside. And yet the human part of me surfaced questioning my rationale. Why are you being so savage? Why do you find pleasure in this killing?
My answer was that of curiosity fulfilled. I recall specifically answering. If you could, wouln't you? Wouldn't you desire the experience? If I said 'brain on the sidewalk' in two seconds I have invented something you have never actually seen. You can imagine it, but have you seen it? Have you done it? I have seen it because I have caused brain to spatter on the sidewalk. I am more than just stories. I am *the* beast.
And then I became The Hulk.
From my old neighborhood now greasy with entrails and fly riddled body parts I was transported into the dark future - the post-apocalyptic city with its mysterious powers, its pandemic devastation, its huddling survivors. Every street was asphalt upheaved as unseen forces ripped through them. It was City 17 at night. It was alien-invaded and abandoned by honor, it cried out for superheroism. I was The Hulk, I sought out the evil forces and I smashed.
I smashed them and collapsed the buildings where they hid. They were faceless, nameless enemies of humanity and I was the celebrated champion of the darkened human civilization. I explained myself. Yes I am The Hulk but I'm playing him differently. I am in control of what I have become because I love the anger. I love the destructive capacity, I love being the beast and I am Dr. Bruce Banner. I am the intellectual as I smash. I smash what is wrong, what is stupid and it only requires a small bit of intelligence to see that. I am not surviving to be that which I destroy, no - I am not the Alpha Wolf, I retain the will to destroy but I follow humanity's purpose often at the expense of humanity's own foolish creations. This worthless building, for example. Hulk Smash!
I calmed down and spoke in the patient tones of an NPR radio host. I explained that I am the new Hulk and I will play it this way. That was my dream last night.
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