When I turned 50, I wrote the following:
It has been two years since then and I can say that I have become a much better person in those ways. I'm realizing the extent to which men in their 30s look up to me and expect a level of integrity and dignity that I need to be prepared to demonstrate. There is nothing lower than an older man who refuses to be wise or dignified, even if it is only the quiet dignity of modesty. I have found my purpose in life and it is finding that purpose and working to fulfill it that brings happiness. There is no other way.
A bucket list is not a good way to think of maturity. Adding adventure is for young men. For old men it's about subtracting the useless. It's about not being restless for action for it's own sake. It's about not letting desire to prove something get in the way of just doing something. For me, being this age is about your ability to know the truth of your life's experience and always tell that truth. But also being prepared if everybody else does that or if nobody else does that.
What I want is to live in truth, to never have to lie to myself or anyone else. I want to be wise and honorable. That means I have to figure out a way to be gracious in the presence of people who don't know what I know. It means letting other people say what they will say and do what they will do. It means avoiding their implosions and explosions. Maybe I live like an old farmer, because I'm not particularly addicted to power and I haven't schemed enough to get me some.
When I had my first child, somehow I intuitively knew that I would have to stop being a bohemian social critic. I knew there was a class of books that I had to put down and a new set I needed to start reading. I now have a similar sense that I have to watch my health, prepare for disaster, and say words over the dead. I will work another 15 years, I figure. I will downsize my life. I will render myself into certain perfections of character and behavior.
It has been two years since then and I can say that I have become a much better person in those ways. I'm realizing the extent to which men in their 30s look up to me and expect a level of integrity and dignity that I need to be prepared to demonstrate. There is nothing lower than an older man who refuses to be wise or dignified, even if it is only the quiet dignity of modesty. I have found my purpose in life and it is finding that purpose and working to fulfill it that brings happiness. There is no other way.
A bucket list is not a good way to think of maturity. Adding adventure is for young men. For old men it's about subtracting the useless. It's about not being restless for action for it's own sake. It's about not letting desire to prove something get in the way of just doing something. For me, being this age is about your ability to know the truth of your life's experience and always tell that truth. But also being prepared if everybody else does that or if nobody else does that.
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