"Look if you want to talk baseball, I'm like whatever. But if you're going to talk about Pete Rose, let me warn you ahead of time, I'm an asshole when it comes to Pete Rose."
Easy. Everybody's going to be an asshole about something. It's kind of hard to be an asshole about a lot of things without actually hating yourself. Because you're calling yourself an asshole and you know you're right. If you're that kind of asshole, a true asshole, well then you should get some counseling, or at least buy yourself a puppy.
BTW. I'm an asshole. And on a good day, I'm like this asshole. You want me on that wall!
Ultimately, you need to be true to yourself. Don't cover up your ugly bits. Don't be fake. Don't try to please people you don't actually respect. A douche is worse than an asshole. Make people say, yeah he's an asshole, but he's *my* kind of asshole.
Also, in admitting the dimensions of your assholiness, don't under any circumstances, confuse it with holiness. You cannot turn a vice into a virtue simply because it's the truth about you. You're still actually that asshole. You are a crude, undesirable, stubborn, wrong, insensitive, self-important, mouth frothing retard when it comes to X. You are not a saint in pig's clothing. You are a pig.
Try to be better.
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