Cobb

The Difference Between Horseshit and Bullshit

I am particularly fond of the term bodewash, for what it's worth. Yet I think that there are appropriate axes of shit that should be navigated with some care. 

The other night, as my clan-mates and I were engaged in the Iron Banner, a certain combination of unfortunate and somewhat unanticipated circumstances prompted one of them to roar, "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" And then on another occasion, "You've got to be fucking shitting me!"  I pause a moment to think about those outbursts as they indicate someone rationally making moves when suddenly gravity is reversed. 

Horseshit is a term which I think applies to a specific instance of falsity. And in that regard it would be less of an insult to 'call horseshit' on a particular matter. If I am saying that some situation is full of shit, it is generally horseshit to which I am referring. Likewise, I think my gaming friend had a moment of outrage, and the surprise of "You've got to be shitting me" must be inferred to indicate horseshit. 

If the same thing happened over and over, I'm sure he would have thrown down the controller and walked out of the room exclaiming "This is bullshit!" Bullshit thus in contrast requires that one recognize and implicate a continuous and purposeful production of shit. An average cow is double the weight of an average mare and the average cattle herd is generally much larger than the average herd of horses, although I cannot say my experience with these observations is expert. Nevertheless, it's useful to consider these facts with the understanding that the bulls will produce more shit. 

It is also useful to note that horses are much taller than cattle, run faster and range further. Thus their noses are not as likely to detect their own shit, whereas bullshit is generally found fairly closely to the bull. 

The Debt

The Debt, starring Helen Mirren, is the sort of film that explores the animal side of our human nature and it reminds us that when we are pressed up against our ability to handle the truth we are likely to be faced with life or death situations. And so how many of us are prepared for that?

The story is that of a trio of Israeli war heroes who face the prospect of their world collapsing as the possibility of an ugly truth coming to light thirty years after the fact. Of the three, only the woman can rectify the problem. It's a very intriguing concept, and brilliantly handled by the film but the greatness of this story comes out in the terse dialogs between the three, but especially the woman, and the Nazi war criminal who is at the center of their heroic mission. 

There is, in this tale, the story of how much we become defined not so much by our aims, but our ability to accept that which it makes us in the process, whether we succeed or fail. The heroes must struggle through the taunts of their captive as they decide whether he should be tortured, killed or brought to trial. As they stuggle with that ethical matter of the way in which they will embody the spirit of their new nation, as agents / soldiers of that nation, they must sublimate their own personal desires and lives. They become tools of their ambitions, and ambitions are always thwarted, and so it leaves them with what? Desparate confusion.

In The Debt's magnificent scene, the Nazi illustrates his contempt for Jews as he characterizes their behavior as sheeplike weakness. How is it, he asks, that the Jews were led to slaughter that so many were shephered into their deaths by so few? They were, he concludes, too weak and unpossessed of the pride and will to survive to do anything but submit to the superior force of will of the German soldiers. 

I found this to be a riveting scene because from my perspective it distills the very essence of human survival. We may thrive in an absence of conflict as we uniquely social creatures do. But we are so easily pressed into enforcing the courage of our convictions as a matter of principle and as a matter of survival, and all of our institutions fail and our social graces crumble away. We must do what we must do, and for the sake of keeping a promise or fufilling a mission, that predicament most always demands that someone must pay with their life.

We go through our lives planning to fill them with purpose and meaning. In the end, it may be all we have and our only purpose, is to cause the deaths of others and try to give that meaning. 

Three Degrees of Stupidity

As an Update to the Moronic Inferno, I have come up with Three Classes of Subpar Intelligence.

Class Three: High Function Stupids - Cognizant Stupidity
Cognizant stupidity involves a paticular and localized lack of intelligence. This is generally transient but clearly noticeable. Such people are often taken advantage of primarily because they have something to lose. Most cognizant stupid people function well in society. It takes some time to determine their stupidity - they can be lucid for prolonged periods of time.

Fools are the most commonly and widely dispersed of the type. A Fool, also known as a Dupe is someone whose stupidity lies in a narrow area. Some Fools are often mistaken for intelligent people who are 'fatally flawed'. Foolishness can be rewarded in society however that doesn't quite make up for the lack.

We often also encounter Idiots, who function quite well in society, but there are a class of things they just don't get. Idiots are generally smart enough to avoid their own idiotic behaviors, but they have a surprising amount of tolerance for their own idiocy, which they can sometimes convince others as 'unique genius'. Idiots are particularly annoying because they generally believe that they know what they're talking about even after it becomes clear that they don't. They will call it a 'difference of opinion', but they're simply idiotic.

Stooges at the low end of the cognizant totem pole, never quite avoid stupidity. Stooges however are intelligent enough to use their stupidity to their own advantage, and usually are most recognizeable by their capacity as Flacks, Namedroppers, Flunkies and Brownnosers. Stooges are deceptive by nature and function best under the color of authority. Stooges, once discovered, do what they do best, blame somebody else.

Class Two: Low Function Stupids - Chronic Stupidity
Chronic stupidity manifests itself in a variety of ways, however a chronically stupid individual is almost immediately recognizeable as challenged by ordinary life. As low function individuals, they are generally found in co-dependent relationships with each other or sympaticos.

The classic LFS is a Doofus. Easily recognizeable, a Doofus has difficulty making sense of common social conventions, such as dressing properly, laughing without snorting, or using breath mints. A Doofus who sees you tomorrow will retell the joke you told him today. As a social incompetent, a Doofus aims to be a geek, but alas is too stupid to convince anyone save perhaps their poor suffering parents. At the same level of a Doofus but with an emphasis on physical stupidity is a Spaz.

However there are fairly stupid people who do manage some ability to pass themselves off as socially acceptable, that is until they open their mouths. Meet the Airhead, also known as the Twit. Both are capable of talking at a reasonable speed but are they saying anything? No. These stupids are remarkably unselfconsious about their stupidity, but that is because they generally are able to seek and find each others company. If you know more than one Airhead, check yourself.

Also very common are Dolts. Also known as blockheads, knuckleheads, and shitferbrains, Dolts are generally incapable of thinking on their feet. Dolts have one-track minds which can make them fairly good athletes, thugs and gas station attendants. A dolt has a favorite song and she's always singing it. Dolts never get over the death of a pet or Curt Cobain.

A Doofus who is also a Spaz is generally known as a Moron. Morons are at the bottom of the low function chain. Morons tend to remain out of sight and out of mind, but they can make their presense spectacularly known. Driving on the sidewalk is a moronic activity, as is setting fire to cats. Most winners of the Darwin Awards are Morons.

Class One: The Pathological Stupids - Terminal Stupidity
Uh, what can I say? These are a group that one doesn't often encounter in the mainstream of society, however there are many who remain uninstitutionalized. It is not generally considered polite to discuss the behaviors of the PS crew, but who gives a fart about that?

The most charming of the Pathologicals is the Imbecile. Imbeciles generally have sunny personalities, which means that they can smile without drooling. In the company of an Imbecile, most people are pleasantly surprised that they can do anything at all. In fact, imbeciles are about as bright as 7 year old children. Give them cookies, but when they start talking about 'doody' it's time to leave.

The most common of the low end are Retards. Retards have a hard time maintaining any train of thought whatsoever. Not only do they speak in non-sequiturs, life itself is one stream of non-sequiturs for them. Although it's snarkily cool to call someone a Retard, as I am prone to do, true Retards need personal attention at all times and must be kept away from sharp objects.

Cretins are the lowest of the low. You've never seen one, and that's a good thing.

The Bounder Paradigm

I am absolutely certain, having had a large bout of Anglophilia in the days as Granta was starting to live large in the American literary diet during the early 90s, that a bounder is most accurately described as someone who is attempting to subtly (or unsubtly) crash the gates of dignified society through artifice. Sometimes a bounder is easily discovered, other times they malaprop at an inopportune moment and play themselves. A bounder may or may not have good intentions, but he is certainly out of place and knowingly misrepresenting his pedigree.

I cannot be certain if it was I was informed of this through reading Ian Banks, PG Wodehouse, EM Forster, Martin Amis or Julian Barnes but of that usage I am surely correct. I began using it on occasion for precisely that meaning.

Bounders aren't necessarily cads, nor are cads necessarily bounders. Being one or the other might be tolerated under extenuating circumstances, but being discovered as both is damning beyond recovery.

I think all have rightly spun the proper interpretation of caddish behavior as that of a man particularly disrespectful of women, particularly as cads have in common with bounders that they are attempting to make an laudable show despite their more vulgar upbringing / proclivities. I employ the slash because I think it particularly marks the English class sensibilities as to bind those two irrovacably together. So an English gentleman would be constantly on the lookout for any subterfuge. It is thus likely that a bounder might be described as someone who wears the wrong sort of collar, thusly marking him as the wrong sort.

The perjorative of 'a bounder and a cad' underlines the double duplicity of such a certainly reprehensible character.

I always think of 'bounder' whenever I hear someone use the word 'paradigm'.

Because You Love Falco Too

“Dreh' dich nicht um, schau, schau,
der Kommissar geht um!
Er wird dich anschau'n
und du weißt warum.
Die Lebenslust bringt dich um.”
Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?

Spider Hole - Birth of a Meme

Sometime last week, we were heard about a dozen Iraqi children injured or killed in a failed raid in search of one of the top fugitives of the Baath regime. Things were looking bleak, but such is the drudgery of war, sometimes only recognized a generation later in retrospect. But today all of the free world is giddy with glee over the discovered contents of a 'spider hole'.

If you Googled 'spider hole' yesterday, you'd probably not have found enough hits to fill a spider hole. In fact, this morning the number of Google hits is 395,000. Virtualdoug has a nice photo at the top of the Googlearchy at this moment, but he's about to be dethroned in short order. A great victory for American intel will be the spreading of this meme.

You heard it here first. You'll hear it everywhere tomorrow.

Japanese Honorifics Demystified

DenBeste makes a fascinating study of degrees. He answers the immortal question, what is the Nihongo equivalent of 'poo'.

Botfodder

Any movie that should be subjected to MST3K.

Botfodder

Any movie that should be subjected to MST3K.

Bomberclaad

You've heard this word a thousand times if you are a fan of Reggae music. Today I saw it spelled for the first time.

There are times when you hear the variation 'clot' for short. Mostly, however I've heard it pronouced 'BOOM-ba-claht' or 'BOOum-ba-claht' It's an insult of some sort and it sounds very cool when sampled at the right moment. But that's just about all I know.

UPDATE: A little curiosity kills a lot of dance hall music. I knew there was some connection between this word and 'blood clot' which I was going to put into the entry, but 'bomber' threw me off. Now I feel like a little kid who just first understands the meaning of the curse word he's been saying. Yike. It's a tampon.